CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
