he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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