My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
