Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
id be glad to
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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