Banned from zoo.
Again?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
