You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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