Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I died a long time ago.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ugly people sure do ruin things
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
