HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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