i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
