My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
