I seem to have left my pride at pride
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
