she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize