I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
