so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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