I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
