took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
