I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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