i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
