That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
