he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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