This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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