I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
