A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
