return my video game
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
