I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
