u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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