She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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