last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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