Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
