Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
