I am puke
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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