He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
