I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
