If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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