i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
