Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
