And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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