I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
