some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
