bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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