I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
