I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize