So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
