Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
