i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
