Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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