she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize