May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
