we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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