I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
