well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
