she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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