Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
