Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she pinky promised me she was 18
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
