Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i believe in u and ur pee
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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