Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
