After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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