I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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