I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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