I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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