Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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