i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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