White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
