So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
