My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
