We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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