He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
