Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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