Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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